It's okay to not be okay. Here is the clip that really brought this subject into my mind. I know it has been circulating quite a bit, but I think it is important to watch. (Sorry for the bad recording. I had to find it, then tape in on my phone.)
What this brings to mind, is all my time working in retail. I sat at a counter all day, and every customer, I would ask " How's it going?" and 99% of the customers would answer with " good" or " doing well". Now, I know you aren't going to spill our heart out at the front counter of a clothing store, but what really bugs me is how easy it is to say I'm good. I'm fine. I'm doing well. We have become a society where it's a failure to not be good. If you are sad, angry, stressed, or upset it is a failure. This is one of the biggest lies our generation has bought into.
One of my biggest successes in my marriage was when I was finally able to open up to my husband and tell him, I'm not okay and I need help. For so long, I trapped sadness and anger inside myself. I did not want to appear that I had anything less than a happy life. I didn't want to be a crybaby. After moving 1000 miles away from my childhood home, changing jobs, and buying a new car I was stressed, homesick, and confused. Had you asked me how I was, I would have answered "I'm fine". Carrying all this stress inside me caused me to feel physically sick and tired. It made me upset and angry and I would have moments where I lashed out because I could not handle it anymore.
Finally after carrying this with me for months, I was able to let loose. I sat with my husband and cried and let it all out. After this a miraculous thing happened. I was no longer sad, angry, or stressed. I didn't need to lash out at anyone because I was able to slowly vent what was going on. Yes, I still get stressed and angry. However, now that I know it's okay to feel that way, I can let go of it. Honestly, I felt like Elsa, without the really cool dress and hairdo.
The truth is, emotions are the brains way of saying, I need to find a way to get this out! It can let stress out by laughter, tears, or even yelling. These are all perfectly natural ways for your body to let go of stress! Stress is something that can actually cause physical harm to your body if you hold on to it. Here is a quick video that has lots of great info on stress and how it affects you!
And here is another video on why we cry!
As you can see these emotions are normal human responses to stress! So now, how can we learn to let our stress go and not just be "good"?
Tip 1: Self love
Self love is something I like to focus on in my meditations and with my massage clients. When was the last time you were able to look at yourself completely naked and say, I love me! Yes, the naked part is essential. I'm talking no makeup, no clothes, and hair undone. Just the raw you. It is a practice that I like to do once in a while, especially if I'm feeling down. Look at yourself in the mirror, and start listing positive, non-physical aspects of yourself. Being naked while doing this exercise (though you can do it clothed if you aren't alone) gives it rawness and meaningfulness. It means that you feel this way unconditionally. Not just when your makeup is on point, or when you look cute in your new outfit. It is always.
Tip 2: Self-awareness
It's important for your body to be aware of what it is feeling. We often become disconnected from our bodies, and ignore big red flags that our body throws us. To do this, sit in a room with as little outside stimuli as possible and just focus on what your body is doing. Focus on your hands, then your arms, then your shoulder, and so on. Think of one body part at a time and just focus on how it feels.
Tip 3: Don't be good!!
Work on being truthful with yourself and those close to you. When someone asks, how are you? Be truthful. You don't need to tell them your life story, but a simple, " I'm kinda feeling stressed out today because my bills are due," works just fine.
Please leave your comments below, about topics you want to hear about!
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